Goofy Golf Open Semi-Live: It’s a major! No, really, it is. I mean it.

Saturday

Morning:  I opened up a box of Cracker Jack and found Sawgrass at the bottom.

Leading score after 36 holes: -15.

Leading score at the 2016 Hawaiian Open at the notoriously easy Waialae Country Club?

-12.

Oh, but pointing that out is “negative.”  Instead we should cheer Sawgrass and the Players and pretend the tournament is a major and not played on a Cracker Jack course.  And, by all means, we must pretend all TPC courses aren’t a crass way to suck money out of amateurs who want to “play a course the pros play.”

***

I had the GC live coverage on while I wrote this.  Completely out of the blue, some asshole announcer starts blathering about Tiger Woods.  No context whatsoever.  I turned it off.  Screw it.  It’s a runaway event on a piece of crap course; they were lucky I was even watching.  These days I have a Pavlovian response: I hear Woods’s name, and I am reminded that CNN is likely covering Donald Trump, a vastly more entertaining proposition than non-major golf, so I change channels.  See ya at the U.S. Open, Golf Channel.

Friday

Buh-Bye: I’m watching the action at Sawgrass.  First weekday action I’ve watched since the Masters.  Suddenly, out of left field, Johnny Miller starts wondering if Jason Day hits the ball higher, lower, or the same as Tiger Woods.  Holy shit, guys.  It’s time to move on.  I moved on to CNN.  Donald Trump’s bid for the presidency is already more compelling than golf.  When Johnny Miller serves up that shit, it’s no contest.  Buh-bye.  I’ll check the leaderboard tonight.

Over the ramp, off the clown, and through the dragon’s mouth:

saw

Have you ever seen that happen on No. 11 at Augusta National?  No, you haven’t.

That’s from the Jacksonville Florida Times-Union.

11:09 Update: Rory cards a 29 on the front.

10:51 Update: Rory -7 through eight holes.  My “tough love” articles seem to work magic!  But, alas, I still fear I will jinx him.  Over/under on bogeys coming in: three-and-a-half.

Morning: Rory off and running, opening with four straight birdies.  I’m sure I jinxed him, though.  Over/under for bogeys the rest of the round: four.  Roberto Castro, OWGR #122, is not in this 144-man field.

Thursday

Tim Finchem’s pride and joy (his bar is low) begins today.  He calls it a major, but it is unclear if he is making that claim for the PGA or the PPA.  Add a couple of windmills and a mechanical alligator with moving jaws, and you could make a compelling case for the latter.  Of course, the Goofy Golf course is not the only attraction.  There is also a conference room available for tearful Oprah-style apologies.  The only way this gem could be improved is to make it a four-man scramble with a shotgun start.

If the Olympics must disrupt golf this year, wouldn’t it have been best to cancel this non-major “major” and replace it with another non-major “major”?  Jettison this joke of an event and move everything up to create a free week for Brazil’s Zika Virus Open.

       Lanny H's Annual PGA Tour Pro Survey

Q: Would you rather miss the cut at the Barbasol
   Championship or be within one hundred miles of a
   mosquito while receiving a gold medal in Brazil?

    100 percent:  Barbasol
      0 percent:  Mosquito

Q: Where would you display the Olympic gold medal?

     17 percent: At a pawn shop when I hock it at
                 age 60 to feed my oxy addiction
     83 percent: At the bottom of the Ohio River

Is Finchem the worst commissioner in sports history?  The evidence continues to mount.  Rather than admit the idiocy of professional golfers playing in the Olympics, Finchem continues to push for players to expose themselves to the deadly zika virus.  Finchem should publicly free players of any obligation to go to Brazil.  Consider: Women’s soccer star Hope Solo is going, but she doesn’t want to.  And Olympics soccer is a huge deal for her; it is nothing for Tour golfers.

I’m starting to think NBC/Comcast is the most corrupt corporation in the world.  They use their networks to influence political elections; they urge young world-class athletes to expose themselves to disease to fatten their bottom line; they falsify news to push narratives.  And then there is Golf Channel, golf’s equivalent of Pravda.

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27 Responses to Goofy Golf Open Semi-Live: It’s a major! No, really, it is. I mean it.

  1. WhoRI says:

    Brazil is putting their leftie President on trial. Add political unrest to slums, zika virus and crime.

  2. Ken says:

    When Sawgrass opened, it was tough. The players whined about it and the course was turned into the ridiculously easy track that it is today. That’s kind of ruined it for me.

    Still a great field.

  3. Jaybird77 says:

    Can you refresh my memory as to why you think it is “goofy”?

  4. Sports-realist. says:

    It’s a major but it’s not a major but it is considered by some to be a major, but…and one and on and on…………
    The important thing this weekend is there is ONE hole with a pond surrounding the green…Take that hole away and nobody would care about this course, and certainly no one would call it a ‘sort of’ major…..
    I know people who have played the course also…

    • Sports-realist. says:

      and yes nbc is pathetic journalism….I hope the olympics ratings TANK, as who really cares about the olympics….The last olympics I hardly watched, nor do I care this time..
      Next ‘NBC sports report’ will be selling facial cream and jewelry, which you can get at a very low price if you call in the next 15 minutes….

      • lannyh says:

        haha, your last paragraph cracked me up!

        I don’t watch the Olympics any more either. It’s not a boycott thing; I just don’t care.

      • Ken says:

        I’ve never understood the appeal of the Olympics. I’m not into pageantry. The hypocrisy has always been apparent. They push that it’s all about the athletes and peace and understanding, but every two seconds they tell you what country is winning.

  5. Ken says:

    I don’t understand the hostility towards the Players. Yeah, the “5th major” stuff is all hype from the PGA and NBC that no fan buys into, but so what?

    They’re just trying to generate interest and ratings, which is understandable. It’s no worse than pushing Bay Hill as Arnold’s event, the Memorial as Jack’s, and the one in DC (for no apparent reason) as Tiger’s event. In the end, they’re just other tour stops. Jack draws a great field due to favorable scheduling, DC not so great because most players don’t want to go there, and Bay Hill gets a middling field because of a crowded Florida swing.

    They throw a lot of money and a long exemption around and it draws a great field. That alone makes it a pretty nice event in a long season of Texas Opens, Greenbriers, and John Deeres. I think they took mistakenly the teeth out of the course, but it’s the same for everyone. Outside of a real major, what more do you want?

    • DanishDude says:

      Lanny and Sports-realist remind me a lot of these guys:

      • Sports-realist. says:

        These sort of real people, who are puppets, but are real people, but some don’t want to call them real people(see what I did there) were the best…
        To be put in the same class with these geniuses of comedy is a true honor….

      • Ken says:

        Who’s the guy to the right of Bernie Sanders?

    • lannyh says:

      “He who praises everything praises nothing.”

      • Ken says:

        But sometimes you really seem to praise nothing. I’m a born cynic, but you make me look like a naive pollyanna at times.

      • lannyh says:

        What an incredibly hurtful comment.

        You should start a blog. You’d learn how it feels to write your heart out only to be cursed and mocked and insulted on a daily basis.

        Trust me: If you start a blog, you’ll learn quickly that you can do no right.

      • Ken says:

        Of all the slams you’ve been subjected to here, that comment is incredibly hurtful?

  6. Sports-realist. says:

    STATLER: I wonder if there really is life on another planet.
    WALDORF: Why do you care? You don’t have a life on this one.

  7. Sports-realist. says:

    Waldorf: Tell me Statler, do you have any naval experience?
    Statler: Well I once saved a rat from drowning…
    Waldorf: Really, how?
    Statler: I gave him mouth-to-mouse resuscitation.

  8. Kris says:

    I got a new job and kinda forgot golf (and this site) existed. I like the Players and do consider it just as impressive of a win as the PGA Championship or the Masters. The whole “major” concept is pure marketing, anyway, no matter what tournament you’re talking about. I thought Graeme Mcdowell’s ball rolling through the fairway and into the water happened a few years ago and they fixed that hole? TPC Sawgrass is no more tricked up and unfair than Doral or the US Open. Maybe I just like the Players because I’m a Garcia fan and he generally does well here. To each his own.

    • lannyh says:

      Congrats, Kris. Hope you are liking the new job.

      • Kris says:

        Thank you, Lanny. It’s simultaneously my dream job and the hardest job I’ve ever had. When I came up for air I was glad to see you were still writing. There for a while it seemed like you were losing interest and might shut it down.

  9. Jaybird77 says:

    Jordy and Rory are nice but I’m all in on Jason. Since the US Open issues last year, Jason has put on a clinic and if he truly has his health issues under control, he’s going to be #1 for awhile and rack up several more impressive wins (on a good pace this week).

    As I’ve said before, he’s as good or better than Jordan at putting. He’s as good or better than Rory at driving. And he is seemingly better than both when it comes to iron play.

    A lot of folk say that when Rory is on, he’s unbeatable. Jason begs to differ and so do I.

    It’s kind of like when Phil and Tiger were younger (or going back farther, Jack and Arnie). Everyone wanted to see them head to head at their best but we really never got it. Now, everyone wants to see Jason, Jordan, and Rory (and Rickie) go head to head at their best as that would be quite the show (pretty much had it at the PGA last year).

  10. Jaybird77 says:

    The chances of you being more of an expert than I is about the same as me being a Nobel Prize Winner.

    • Sports-realist. says:

      Spieth was one bad shot away from back to back Masters titles….Something only 3 or 4 guys had done….Did he mess that up, sure, but he was in position to win….I’m not ready to anoint Day over either Spieth or Mcllroy yet….

      I can’t believe ANYONE watches morning drive…It’s literally a 10 second channel tune in, until you realize they think it’s still 1999…..Then you tune in to a channel that knows it is 2016……
      Again NO fair weather Eldrick fan is watching, and no one who dislikes Eldrick is watching, since they STILL want to push the old, lame Eldrick narrative of 10 years ago, so WHO is watching that crap?
      Maybe a few dogs and cats accidentally sit on the remote and change to that channel, but even they have to leave the room after awhile…

      • Jaybird77 says:

        Let me try and clarify my position. There is no question Jordy and Rory are world class and at the top of the game. I’m just saying, watching Jason do what he do since last year’s US Open, it seems to me that, out of the three, when they are all on their A+ game, Jason is the best.

      • lannyh says:

        I heard A-Law say on the radio early this morn that day has won 7 of his last 17. Not too shabby.

      • Jaybird77 says:

        Not too shabby at all. And to take it a little further, not only 7 of 17 but I think I also saw that he’s something like 13 of 17 in top 10’s in that span.

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