Tiger Woods Retires. Or Something. Apparently.

In a stunning development that shook the golf world…  oh, who am I kidding, Woods’s retirement or whatever isn’t even a Google News top story.

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16 Responses to Tiger Woods Retires. Or Something. Apparently.

  1. Sports-realist. says:

    ……Golf, prostitutes, and money is all Eldrick knows….I doubt he would enjoy ‘retirement’ even if he can’t play…..Perhaps he would buy a sports franchise and spend time on that…
    ……..The ONE thing I’ll give Eldrick credit for is that he will never sit as a CO-host of a golf channel show…..I doubt he will do a Jack Nicklaus and sit with announcers at a golf outing, while chit chatting about OTHER players…..
    …….So thinking what Steinberg and friends would come up with, to keep NIKE satisfied is probably much of the same: keep telling folks about the FUTURE, and how SOMEDAY Eldrick will return, or something…
    …..Eldrick knows he can’t catch Jack, and NOW, he might also understand that catching Sam Snead is getting more and more unlikely too…..

    • lannyh says:

      “to keep NIKE satisfied”

      I think you hit the nail on the head. Every action should be understood as an action intended to keep Nike from becoming completely dissatisfied.

      Contrast this to Jordan Spieth and UA, where he has equity in the company: if they prosper, he prospers. Nike has never looked older and more “uncool.”

  2. FormerTigerFan says:

    Up until this presser, Tiger had always been super optimistic. In this presser, he finally expressed (insinuated?) some doubt which apparently gave the media permission to act more realistically about where he actually is.

  3. JoseyWales says:

    Only 29 more days until Tiger Free kicks in around here…tick, tick, tick. Who will be the first violator? My money is on Lanny :o)

    • lannyh says:

      You’re kind of missing the point, aren’t you? In fact, I’ll make a point of doing it on January 1, so you can see it’s not some kind of “fun game” designed so that people can have a new “Tiger thing” to discuss.

      Now, make yourself useful… of late when I listen to sports talk radio, I’m noticing the quality of the advertisers is getting kind of shabby. ER clinics, ambulance-chasing personal liability lawyers, just all manner of depressing stuff. (FanDuel and DraftKings seem to be lessening.) Is this a deteriorating advertising base? An aging listening audience? Do you have anything interesting to offer on this topic?

      Oh, yeah, something else, for you and anyone. If you are unhappy with the writing here, there is a standing offer that I will publish anything legitimate you or anyone else cares to write. If you think you can do better, we’ll let you! Find another golf website that will let you do that. Think Golf Channel will publish something you write? Think Porter will publish your article next to his “Will Tiger Get Rockin New Kicks for Christmas?”

  4. JoseyWales says:

    tick, tick, tick…

  5. Kris says:

    I LOLed at the title. That was my reaction to Tiger being realistic for the first time in his delusional life. Rory’s tweet “Golf without Tiger doesn’t bear thinking about” sounds like something a Nike rep would post on his behalf. I was shocked at how out of character and idiotic it sounded.

    By the way, did you ever listen to the Fonseca/Wei podcast?

    • lannyh says:

      I thought the same thing about the Rory quote! It was so idiotic. Rory has four majors since Woods last won one. And he’s chasing Jordan now! Like you said, that comment was written with Nike’s pen.

      I listened to Fonseca/Wei podcast yesterday. I made copious notes. I was going to write it up today, but then I told myself it would get overlooked in all this big Woods “retirement” (or whatever) news. That gave me the courage to continue my procrastination.

      But there was much to discuss in the interview, and I have many fascinating insights (earth-shattering, Pulitzer-garnering stuff!) to share.

  6. HennyB says:

    I’ll believe Tiger’s retirement the day he stands at the podium and announces it. Until then, call me a cynic if you would like, I think this is just another smoke and mirrors ploy to set up “another miraculous come back.” We’ve seen this too many times before. He is over exaggerating his current state so if/when he returns to competitive golf he and the media came say “oh look at what he was able to come back from. You all though he was down but he wasn’t out. Never underestimate this guy! He’s unstoppable. Nobody works harder than Tiger etc, etc.” This is a page taken right out of Earl’s playbook. Mess with your competition psychologically. Maybe I’m reading way too much into this (and that very well may be the case, but I get the feeling they are trying to resurrect Ben Hogan’s come back in 1950. But Ben Hogan, Tiger Woods certainly is not, and never will be.

  7. HennyB says:

    What are your thoughts on this: I spoke to a member of the PGA tour a few years back, this person is not a household name by any means, and I asked him about the prospects of Tiger getting busted for steroid/PED use and that becoming public knowledge. I told him I couldn’t wait until the day he was caught and stripped of his majors. He told me that, “He would retire from the game before he would ever let that happen.” I said, do you think they would sort of cut a deal with him and say something similar to, We will save you the embarrassment and the embarrassment of the PGA Tour, you can leave with your 14 majors and 79 victories or we have to go public because its just getting too big and too hard to continue damage control. They would hope people would lose interest and the issue sort of die out. I know he has had the three back surgeries but it’s sort of making me wonder you know. Maybe their was some merit to what this guy told me. What do you think Lanny?

    • lannyh says:

      My view is that something very similar to that scenario has already happened. When the Galea scandal broke — obscured by the creepy sex stuff — Finchem told Woods, like a mother speaking to her precocious child, “Tiger, if you have any funny business with Galea going on, you really need to cut it out.” Woods gave Finchem the “four or more” visits line, which Haney “confirmed.” Woods played like crap for two years. He got fed up with playing poorly, and hooked up with Bosch and Biogenesis in Miami.

      A-Rod or someone else told Woods how easy it was to beat baseball’s testing, and that the PGA Tour’s testing was a total joke. I think there were like 40 baseball players suspended for links to Biogenesis, so obviously, before Fisher went rogue, Biogenesis looked like smooth sailing.

      Then the Terez Owens report came out, with Finchem supposedly possessing Woods’s name on the customer list.

      Then Blood Sport comes out, and Woods and Haney’s “four or more” turned into, what 63 combined visits from Galea and Lindsay.

      Finchem, in something of a panic told Woods, “Look, you can’t do dope any longer. I’m tired of being played for a fool. Lanny H is not going to back off of this.” Okay, maybe not that last part!

      Woods’s two declines came after 1. Galea arrest; 2. The Terez Owens report about Woods’s name being on the Biogenesis customer list.

      That’s my view, because his game fell off a cliff after both the Galea arrest and the Biogenesis reveal.

      • HennyB says:

        I would say your right on in your assessment. That chart you displayed earlier in the year shows just how drastically his performance plummeted after both of those events occurred. Only and ignoramus would use the word “coincidence” in regards to those events and how it affected his play. It really gets my goat because its all been a façade. As I’ve concurred with you in the past, I don’t believe he was using PED’s until about 2003 or so, after he was starting to experience some injuries. I’ll give credit where credit is due, the man has a tremendous amount of talent, but once his injuries started I think he said the only way I’m going to beat Jack’s record was by gaining an edge somehow and I believe he was willing to do whatever it took to do so. Its’ amazing how many everyday people you talk to think he was using something illegal. In my own naiveté, I’m still surprised it hasn’t made major headlines. But those who know always will and those who don’t never will.

      • lannyh says:

        Well put. About that chart, you know, I was looking for that just yesterday. I must have spent 20 minutes going through the archives of everything I’ve uploaded here over the years. I was starting to doubt I’d ever uploaded such a chart! After your comment, I’ll try again to find it.

      • lannyh says:

        Found it! I will repost it tomorrow.

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