Lanny H’s Tiger Tracker: Memorial, Round One

12:30 pm:  I’m pissed at whoever decided on these groups and tee times.  Why put Tiger in the group right in front of Spieth?  The Jordan roars are distracting Tiger.

12:15 pm:  Tiger doesn’t have his best stuff today, but he’s still fighting.  Quitters don’t win fourteen majors.

11:15 am:  Golf Channel better not show Jordan Spieth tomorrow instead of Tiger on their television broadcast.  Last time I counted, Jordan has only one major.  Tiger has fourteen, in case anyone needs reminding.

10:45 am: Tiger shoots 40 on front nine.  You can’t help but recall Augusta 1997 when he shot 40 on his first nine, then won by 12 shots.

9:35 am:  Tiger off to a slow start, very reminiscent of Augusta in 1997.  Don’t lose your positive attitude, folks.  Nothing worth doing is easy.

9:00 am:  Tiger bogies the first two holes.  It’s an overcast morning with humidity in the air.  Could the weather be causing Tiger’s glutes to misfire?  Is his back bothering him?  More likely he doesn’t have his feels yet for his new swing and is still caught between two swings.

8:45 am:  Tiger hits a stinger, albeit unintentional, that winds up in the creek.  It’s a five-shotter, so an up-and-down here will save par.

8:33 am:  Tiger bogies the first hole.  Don’t fret; he won the Masters in 1997 after shooting 40 on the front nine.

8:20 am: Tiger’s first shot is struck very solidly.  Plenty of distance!  Not sure where it wound up, though.  Went way left.

8:00 am:  The stream is up and running!!  And so is the Twitter Tiger Tracker!!

7:55 am:

  • Total number of majors won by the 12 players who have started their rounds this morning:  0
  • Total number of majors won by Tiger Woods: 14

7:30 am:  Go Time in 45 minutes.  Here is Tiger’s press conference from yesterday.  I’m nervous about today’s round.  If Tiger is going to catch Jack, today’s round is critical.  If he plays well today, he has a great chance to win the U.S. Open at Chambers Bay.  I hope his new swing is fully grooved.

7:15 am:  I turned on Morning Drive to hear about Tiger, and all they are talking about — with fake excitement — is college golf.  Give us hard golf news.  This feigned happiness is asinine.  They sound like parents of a two-year-old building up fake excitement about a trip to the barber.  “You get to sit in the big chair!  Just like a big boy!  And then you get a lollipop!  It is so much fun!”  I guess they think they have to do that to keep us from crying about all this college golf coverage.  WHEN TIGER IS ABOUT TO TEE IT UP!!!

7:00 am:  The Tiger stream will be up in just over an hour.  I have a feeling the Big Cat will go low this morning.  He’s won five times on this track.

In case you missed it, Cheyenne Woods was hanging out with Drake at his Tuesday night show.

5:15 am: Three hours until Tiger tees off.  This could be the most important round in Tiger’s career.  If he plays well today, he’ll play well at the U.S. Open in two weeks.  He has won at St Andrews twice, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility he could have 16 majors by the end of July — IF he plays well today.

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12 Responses to Lanny H’s Tiger Tracker: Memorial, Round One

  1. JoseyWales says:

    funny stuff Lanny…the sad thing is your story can be found in just about every golf mag and blog around the world today…except they are serious! lol

  2. Ken says:

    Did you see that latest crap on Yahoo? Another “Tiger image rehab” project. It was about his six-year old’s swing and how Tiger likes elements of it for his own game. (Cutest kid ever! of course.)

    • lannyh says:

      Oh, yeah. I watched that press conference. It was creepy. There was a lot of giggling at anything remotely cutesy or funny Woods said. Tee hee hee, tee hee hee. Those people in those press conferences are not your normal Tom, Dick, and Harrys, they have credentials. They get paid sweet dinero, with health insurance, expense accounts, and 401K contributions. And all they do is giggle like women trying to keep an abusive husband from getting angry. In fact, not to go all misogynist, but many of the chucklers were clearly female. Tee hee hee, tee hee hee. Have they no pride whatsoever?

  3. Ken says:

    I used to watch less golf when Woods played to avoid the announcers fawning over him. But if he keeps up this play where he’s nearly dead last in the field as he is now, these might become my very favorite tournaments.

    • lannyh says:

      I hear ya. It’s funny to watch. I think there also an Aesop’s Fables element to this. Some life lessons to be learned from Woods and from the fawning golf media.

    • lannyh says:

      That guy was in deep. I can’t believe A-Rod is still playing major league baseball.

      • JoseyWales says:

        to me, this is by far the most interesting part of the Sucrat story and it’s buried in there
        “He appeared in court using a walker, and O’Donnell said he suffers from a long list of ailments that has caused him to be hospitalized 14 times since his August arrest.”
        So many of these serial juicers suffer serious physical problems later in life…recurring injuries, etc. The juice keeps them healthy but if they stop using their bodies break down.

      • lannyh says:

        Interesting. I missed that when I looked at it.

  4. Ken says:

    Decent round tomorrow and Woods can make the cut.

    And if Spieth makes the cut and DJ makes the cut and Woods makes the cut, therefore Woods is alongside them as a top player in golf!

    • lannyh says:

      I just noticed this tidbit. Spieth’s group was -4, -4, -2. Woods’s group E, E, +1.

      Woods’s group was the Live@ feature group. Go figure.

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