4:45 pm Update
I give up. I’ll check the PGATour.com leaderboard tonight. NBC doesn’t have time to show any actual golf for the commercials, the Pacific Life updates (about players they could, you know, be showing instead of doing a Pacific Life update on), and UBS sports updates. I honestly get better continuity, monitoring the Play-by-Play feature on the PGA Tour online leaderboard. They show more actual golf footage on the promos for upcoming tournaments than they do the real tourney.
There’s no continuity! They need to set the stage for the shots. We get, “Here’s Sean O’Hair with a ten-footer for ____” “Here’s Rory with a sand shot, his ____ shot on this par ___.” It’s like every time, a putt goes in, the producer screams, “Show that putt! Show that putt! Show that putt!”
I don’t watch golf to see guys make puts. I can go to the putting green and make a third of my 20-foot putts. Making a put with no context is as exciting as mowing the lawn. At least set this shit up with, “Here’s Rory. His tee shot was wide left, partially blocked by a tree. He hit his second to here and has this chip for birdie on this, the 14th hole. He’s currently three off the lead.” Then the putt means something to me. To go, here’s Kevin Na, who we hardly have mentioned, stroking a 30-footer. Gee, won’t you be shocked when it goes in. I feel like a kid and my mommy is telling me, “Watch this man knock this ball in the hole way over THERE!” “Him knock dat ball in hole, mommy.” Golf is in the approach shots. And drives. Televised Putt-Putt tournaments show as many full shots as NBC has today.
I’ve literally turned it off. The fifteenth “Arnie Flew Planes” story did me in. That was an interesting factoid a few years ago, maybe say in 1968.
4:00 pm Update
This NBC coverage is almost unwatchable. It’s like their attitude is, “We apologize for having to show you this golf tournament shit. We’ll try to do that as little as possible. In the meantime, look at these carnival rides! Whee! Here’s a quick shot of Rory putting for something-or-other on some hole or other. And now here’s an interview with Arnie! Now, how about some commercials! While we were away, Rory had this four-foot putt. Of course he missed or we wouldn’t be showing it. And here’s some guy we haven’t showed all day chipping from the edge of the green. Of course it’s going in, why else would we show it? Now let us psychoanalyze this other guy who is having a bad round. He’s not playing poorly because he’s playing poorly, no, there’s an important psychological reason we can make up. Here’s Rory putting again. Wonder how he got there and in how many strokes? Tough shit, Sherlock!”
After yesterday’s straight-ahead coverage on the stream of Rory, Jason, and Rickie, this is intolerable. Just now, we get Rory’s third shot on a par-5. Because Rory playing a par-5 isn’t of interest to golf fans. Holy crap, this is bad coverage.
And all that meaningless stats. I want to puke.
I can’t stand basketball, but I’m scanning the listings looking for a game of interest. When your broadcast is so awful — with Rory in the hunt! — that ole Lanny H turns off your broadcast, you are doing a piss poor job.
2:45 pm Update: Golf Media Bullshite Edition
Okay, some NBC idiot says upon starting the real live coverage — after GC signed off, and we endured a NetJets promo thing end, a “sports update” about sports I ‘d be watching instead of golf if I cared about them, and an obligatory funeral open to the golf tourney — that he thinks Rory McIlroy is now hitting shots like Tiger Woods did, shots that no one else could hit.
The fool is making that comment about a shot Rory hit to a par-5, giving him an eagle putt. Of course, that shot Rory hit… well, it’s just possible some other player could have hit it. Or an even better one. Daniel Berger, earlier in the day, made a double eagle on the same hole. These guys are just absolute verifiable idiots. Woods never hit one shot “no other player can hit.” Not one. And neither has Rory. Golf is about consistently playing well, not pulling a sword out of a stone. I’d fire that announcer immediately. I would not even let him finish the telecast. Does anyone know his name? Why do these clowns have to lie? Football announcers don’t claim some guy who kicks a long FG in the NFL just made “a kick no other kicker could make.” How stupid are these golf announcers to think we’re that stupid? Guys, none of the Tiger Woods Only “casual golf fans” are watching. You don’t have to dumb it down or lie.
If anyone ever hit a shot on that hole “no one else could hit,” it was Berger, not Woods or McIlroy.
2:00 pm Update
From a Sports World Net article: “Family now comes first, and Woods doesn’t practice as much as he did before he became a father. Because of the shift in priorities, however, his golf game has fallen apart.”
His kids were born in 2007 and 2009; he was Player of the Year in 2013. I guess he only found out about them this year.
Yeah, this “love my kids so much” theory is much more believable than the “Tony Bosch’s Biogenesis lab got busted” theory.
1:25 pm Update
It’s Rory Time!!!
12:40 pm Update
The course is playing very easy today. Let’s hope the greens don’t get torn up and punish the leaders. Is there anyone who has made the back nine who isn’t at least 3-under?
11:45 am Update
Golf Channel keeps showing Woods’s rude, in-your-face celebrations. He looks like those idiots who play football. In fact, that’s a very appropriate comparison, because, have you ever seen those Einsteins who drop the ball on the one-yard line, before they get to the endzone? They start celebrating before they get to the endzone and cost their team a touchdown. Well, you know what? All Woods’s holed-putt dances on the green are coming back to haunt him now. He looks like a fool because he never made it to the endzone of 18 majors. Woods started celebrating on the 20-yard line!
11:05 am Update
Kelly Tilghman’s first out-of-the-blue Tiger Woods mention comes less than five minutes into the program. “Rory is trying to tackle the par-5’s the way Tiger Woods did for so many years.” Her second out-of-the-blue mention comes at seven minutes in. Brandel Chamblee immediately adds two out-of-the-blue mentions. Woods, who isn’t playing, who hasn’t played in a month, who probably won’t play for at least another month, is mentioned four times within the first seven minutes.
10:25 am Update
Like Old Faithful, Golf Channel is predictable. Whenever they are speak of an impending accomplishment of Rory McIlroy, you can be damn certain it will be somthing Tiger Woods accomplished at a younger age. They will never never never mention Rory won a pro event as a teenager — because Woods didn’t. They will never mention that Rory is ahead of Jack’s pace for majors — because Woods couldn’t catch Jack. But you’ll hear, “Rory is trying to become the first guy under 26 with four majors to birdie both No. 13 and No. 15 at Bay River Lake since… you guess it… the great Tiger Woods.” I mean, frack! Rory is the betting favorite to beat Jack’s record. Woods failed. Hear me? Woods FAILED!
I’m sick of Golf Channel shortchanging Rory. If Rory were going to jump the Snake River Canyon on a motorcycle, Golf Channel would not say, “Rory is attempting to become the first person to jump the Snake River Canyon.” No, it would be, “Rory is seeking to become the first guy to get halfway across the Snake River Canyon since Evel Knieval.”
9:00 am Update
Golf Channel has started their coverage for the day with Morning Drive. Two-and-a-half hours after ole Lanny started coverage right here! Nice they could join us!
Only two hours until the first group (Alex Prugh and Daniel Summerhays) tees off.
Branden Grace and Kiradech Aphibarnrat, two “EuroTourash” players are positioned equal or ahead of the flag-wavers poster boy, Brandt Snedeker. How can that possibly have happened! On that topic, how can the EuroTourash bashers explain James Hahn winning on the PGA Tour? Hahn is a clearly superior player to Grace and Jaidee? Hmmm…
Braden Grace was a particular target in this week’s NLU podcast, so it’s amazing he could come to the U.S. and even make a cut. I believe this is Kirandech and Branden’s first time to be playing at Bay Hill, too, so the course is new to them. How many times has Sneds played there? 100?