BREAKING NEWS!!! TIGER WOODS TO WED LINDSEY VONN!!!

BREAKING NEWS!!! TIGER WOODS TO WED LINDSEY VONN!!!

In the biggest sports story in history, it has been reported (Tiger Woods & Girlfriend Lindsey Vonn Make Wedding Plans For Valentine’s Day – To Her Family’s Dismay) Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn are going to wed on Valentine’s Day!!

It’s being reported (“Love Rat Tiger Woods to Wed Lindsey Vonn“) that:

“Her family believes, ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater,’ and they’re warning her not to make any decisions she’ll regret,” said another insider.

Speculation is that the ceremony will be held at the Golf Channel, with Tim Finchem serving as best man, and Kelly Tilghman as flower girl.

If Ms. Vonn’s father refuses to walk her down the aisle, the leading candidate is Bernd Pansold (of the Red Bull Diagnostics and Training Center in Austria).  Gary Williams and Charlie Rymer (both of Golf Channel) have both tossed their hats into the ring, as has Canadian doctor (or whatever) Anthony Galea.

De Telegraaf of the Netherlands is reporting (thanks, Google Translate):

Tiger Woods and his girlfriend Lindsey Vonn have plans to soon promise each other eternal fidelity.

The golfer and skier want on Valentine’s Day, February 14, “yes” to each other. The family of Lindsey wants a stick for stabbing there.

The American golf media continues to maintain radio silence as of 1:35 pm EST.  Golf Channel live pregame show starts in 50 minutes.  We’ll soon know if the golf media is orchestrating a media blackout on this news (for fear of alienating Woods).  When did “All the news that’s fit to print” become “All the news that Tiger is okay with”?

3:00 Update

Golf Channel’s live pregame show has concluded and not a peep.  Bear in mind this is the network which put a live camera on Tiger Woods’s empty parking space for hours at last year’s PGA Championship.  If Woods cuts his fingernails, they will discuss what it will mean for his golf game for hours on end.  The news of an impending marriage doesn’t even warrant a mention?  Not even: “Source are reporting…  We have not yet reached Woods for confirmation.”

Hey, Notah, start dialing!

There’s now an article at E! that tries to pooh-pooh the idea that there could possibly be a wedding on that day because the World Skiing Championships take place that week:

For one, the Olympic skier has a charity event that evening and will be competing in Vail for the World Championships that week. So, you know, timing is an issue.

And it’s not like Vonn can miss the races considering that they’re easily the most important competition outside of the Olympics.

However, the events Vonn competes in — as best I can decipher, and bear in mind that everything I know about skiing I learned from Wiki in the past 15 minutes  — conclude several days before Valentine’s Day.  E! cites “a source” for their information.  If my research of when Vonn would actually be racing is accurate, the “source” was not much of a source.  I mean, come on, that appears like deliberate deception.  If Vonn doesn’t race Slalom — and, from what I saw, she hasn’t been in the most recent several World Championships — the idea that the skiing would interfere with any ceremony is completely bogus.

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3 Responses to BREAKING NEWS!!! TIGER WOODS TO WED LINDSEY VONN!!!

  1. Anonymous says:

    Lanny, your right… very strange that none of the Tiger lickers at Golf Channel are tweeting or blogging about this.

  2. lannyh says:

    And it gets stranger. The thinly-veiled denial reported at E! — from “a source” — is full of holes. And where are all the “young and edgy golf journalists” who all tweet and blog every asinine trick shot video uploaded to YouTube? If Woods so much as picks his nose, all thirty-seven of them will tweet and blog about it in unison. If Vonn and Woods are seen together, it’s the top article/tweet of the day for every damn one of them.

    So, in their Tigercentric world, this news is not even worthy of a mention? My gosh, but those boys have yellow streaks up and down their spines!

  3. Sports-realist says:

    I would like to know the Vegas odds of ANY Woods marriage lasting longer than 5 years going forward……

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